1. It is fine to be unashamedly enthusiastic about something, it doesn’t matter whether that thing is dinosaurs or old books or comedy or collecting perfume bottles, never let anyone tell you otherwise.
2. Chocolate bourbons are the best thing you can get for under a pound.
3. Spend time with the people you love whilst you can. This also goes for pets.
4. If you think it was rape, it almost certainly was. The police force in your area however, will probably need more convincing.
5. Relatedly, don’t wash, save your clothes. I know you probably want to shower all of your skin off, but I promise you if you can wait it will help.
6. If you’re so drunk you can barely stand, do not put roller skates on, it will not help you.
7. You do not have “a migraine” or “the flu” you are up and about, not in bed and whimpering or rapidly making tracks towards being in bed and whimpering. You have a bad headache or a cold.
8. Life is much too short to do something you hate. If you can find a way to stop doing the thing you hate without endangering your livelihood, then do. If not, make plans.
9. It doesn’t matter who you do or don’t want to touch bits with, you can still lead a happy and fulfilling life.
10. Always accept if someone offers to do something nice for you, buy you a drink, dinner, babysit your plants etc. It will benefit you, and the other person has the nice glow of “doing good”.
11. University is not the be-all and end-all.
12. That said it can be great fun, pick carefully, or take a year out and see. I dropped out once before settling into one I liked. I should be graduating now but i’m back in first year and it’s great.
13. Having another pint and eating rice for a week is almost never worth it.
14. Someone will always think you’re really old or really young, this is true at any age.
15. Learn to drive at 17, it’s easier then, and it’s immensely useful to be able to.
16. Do a job you love, you’ll never work a day in your life, equally you’ll never have a real day off again because your job is your hobby and it becomes one massive busmans holiday.
17. Do stupid things when you are young enough to get away with them, shave your head, move to London, wear a leopard print coat.
18. Wear things that make you feel comfortable. Who cares if they’re not “for” you?
19. It is only a walk of shame if you let yourself be ashamed. Clearly you had a bloody great night out.
20. Swear copiously, creatively, and often. But not infront of the kids.
21. Remember, someone out there will think you’re hot. My mum had a twisted spine, an extra shoulder blade in her chest and no boobs to speak of. She married my Dad and had two kids, so I don’t think anyone will care in the slightest if you’ve got a mole on your back.